Sometimes we need a reality check. Here's a look into one I recently had in my heart.
Today I had a humbling experience when I realized that I haven't been spending enough time alone. I've been letting things come out of my mouth, and out of my actions without checking them with the truth of God's word. I have been proud, selfish, neglectful, disobedient, and I have disregard authority. How can I think that I could make any difference in other people's lives, when I'm not letting God use other people to make a difference in my life?
I neglect responsibility, I don't listen to authority, I take things for granted, I reject people pointing out my blindspots, I focus on myself over others, and I always make excuses for why I didn't deserve what happened to me, or why I wasn't responsible for it. What a wretch. I have pretty much disregarded the Word of God, and I've allowed myself to be SO controlled by man that I'm always nervous about what other people think about me, and I never stop to focus on what God thinks about me. I think I deserve just one person who could be real and devoted to me forever, and who I would never have to worry about, or fear them not loving me. I'm looking to people to supply that which only Christ can give me.
Why is this? What is the condition of my heart that has allowed me to stray this far from the truth? Is it a lack of time in the Word? Is it a lack of good friends? Is it a loss of family members that have gone astray? Or is it the result of small compromises that have caused my desires to stray far from God?
I think it begins in my heart, and is motivated by my desires. James says that every person is tempted as a result of lust they have already conceived in their hearts. I have allowed a lust for acceptance, and friendship to creep in and destroy my relationship with God. I have developed an appetite for self absorption, and a me centered life. I have forgotten the ways I used to enjoy, and have departed from God.
So knowing all this, what can I do? While, as I write this, I am impressed to spend more time in the Bible. I never regretted knowing the Bible too well, but I certainly have regretted forgetting it. I have decided to spend more time writing and sharing my thoughts in my journal, and on my blog. I don't care if God never uses it, or if my labor is simply in vain, I need to write my thoughts, and feelings. They've been cramped up in my mind too long, and I'm having some big consequences as a result. I need to express my thoughts and feelings on paper, so that my relations with people will be more contained and calm.
And lastly, I need to change my perspective. I need to look to Jesus for everything, and desire to give my life only to His service. I need to refocus my eyes on Him without distraction, and I need to repent of past wrongs, and seek to start fresh with God. He is faithful to forgive me. And I know He will cleanse me from all unrighteousness through His precious blood.
“Oh God, give me the strength to combat the forces of the enemy in your strength. Help me to fight with my flesh and blood, and bring them into subjection if your cross. Give me a willing heart, and a focused mind. Help me to see my need for you all the time. Give me a fresh perspective in life, and help my life to bear witness of the truth. Give me a humble spirit, and help me to respect and honor authorities always. Thank you for this time, and for this day, and for all you have been teaching me. Help me to never take your Word for granted. I love you God! Amen!!!!”
This post may not have made much of a difference to you, but I hope you are able to somehow be encouraged by it, and to know that our problems are never too big for God. He is SO faithful.